Habit and Nature

I am inspired by this post

http://www.afterthoughtsblog.net/2013/10/31-days-of-charlotte-mason-discipline.html

I really struggle with my nature and habits (both good and bad).  I feel like homeschooling and being a homemaker brings my nature and habits to the forefront where maybe if I had a career they would be less noticeable. Because people always ask what do you do?  (At least they used to where I lived previously.  I think people here figure you BREATHE and LIVE and they don't seem to give a damn about vocations).  I could hide behind a career.  But, sometimes I feel like it would be really easy for someone to see me as that crazy homeschool mom who never washes her hair (dreads) and those kids who can't wake up at a normal hour (we don't really have bedtimes).  

But, I honestly never directly connected my nature and habits before.  I figured my nature was something to battle to fit into the right mold (of which I cannot figure out why or whom the mold is...I just battle with the darn thing and it is getting to weigh me down).  

I don't know if I should change some of my habits or if they are apart of my nature.  I don't even know if they are good for my kids.  I just know that they aggravate me some days.  When they aggravate me, I attack them and try to change them all at once.  I try creating a plan and applying rules.  And, I always do it to someone.  But, I don't really apply it to me.  I insist the kids get up and do ALL THE THINGS.  But, then I get distracted and run out to the grocery store or I don't set them up for success with a good breakfast because...well.....I was up...erm...all night...doing...hmmmm stuff.

Getting ready for a new year

I consider my new year to start on my Birthday.  Shouldn't everyone?  I have been thinking, praying, wondering, and conspiring over my birthday wishes.  

I plan to spend the month of August following The 30 Day Vegan Challenge.  Which I am sure you have seen me posting about already.  I have been desiring to go Vegan again.  I have felt drawn towards it.  Then Colleen posted about her challenge.  And, I thought.  "Wow, that would be the perfect birthday present to myself!"

I am working on joining a group of ladies who have larger or really big families.  We are married and single, rich and poor, main stream and hippie, homeschooling and out of homeschooling, working and moms at home.  It is a varied bunch but we all have one thing in common.  It isn't something we see often in larger families.  The one thing we have in common is we are all committed to being Gentle Christian Mothers.  None of us claim to be perfect.  We are just centered on the gift of Jesus, Grace, and a job well done.  It isn't always easy.  Sometimes we have to extend the Grace to ourselves.  I will hopefully be announcing where to find us soon. 

Found a new blog while searching for Vegan menus. Fimby is full of natural things and simple beauty.

I spent Saturday trying to find alone time. I let the boys play games and veg. But, first I knocked out the pile of dishes and laundry. I gave each boy one major chore. Little flower got herself a really plush bed and lots of babies in her giant play pen. I think I really needed that. I knew I wouldn't get to go anywhere and my fuse was short. But, it sure feels good.

::Things I need to do this week::
Finishing revamping chorepacks
Wash all the windows...they get dirty and moldy over the winter since the back half of the house is partially in the ground.
Oldest is hanging up the laundry we got behind on.
Read more in Siblings without rivalry...these boys drive me nuts. I get tired of yelling, leave me alone and the oh so popular..you are such a turd.
Make a Trader Joes list. I realize we haven't been there in a few months. Seems strange.

Right before this pregnancy...

I felt like things were going smoothly again.  I felt like I came up, we'll okay we, had found a good rhythm.  Getting pregnant and therefore sick made me feel ike a mess. How was I going to handle another child?  Should the children go to school next year?  This book is helping me find my way again.  Reminding me  what is important.  Reminding me that we are adding someone new...again...   

We don't know this someone's personality.  We can't be prepared.

What is important. What is doable.

I am reading the above book. I will try to keep track of some notes here. There is this quote from page 18, "What seems the most important is usually not; what is most doable is the place to begin. If. you do enough that is doable, you will get to the important, and your motivation will be fueled byyour success."

I think I try to tell this to my children, but I definitely don't do it for myself. I make countless schedules and routines. Yet, I have yet to work on the things that keep our routines from working. I think it would be better if I worked on improving mealtime and bedtimes. Bedtimes used to include candles and lots of books. Now they are usually TV with Dad at a horribly late time while Mom passes out in the bedroom. Dad misses this time, but no one is doing anything about it.

Those inner voices...

Always seem to come when my children are doing somethingthat drove my mom crazy. All of a sudden I hear her and realize it is just me. Apologize and reconnect. Call my mom and tell her I am sorry for driving her so crazy she had to mutter to herself.

I have been feeling better. We are expecting another member in the spring. I have never parented a toddler while being pregnant. I am exhausted. I feel bad, too. I don't feel like I can give my all to the baby. So, there is definitely some mamma guilt to top of that sundae.