Free Time

While nursing my youngest, I admit I sometimes read blogs or play mind numbing games on my ipad. Today a post I read centered on free time. I have tried to make free time lately. I have listened to many mothers and fathers who desire free time. I know I get my panties in a bunch at least once a week over my lack of free time.

You know what. I live in one amazing society if I can whine about free time. Sure I spent quite a bit of brain power figuring out that I am an introvert, so I need that time.

Don't fool yourself. Free time with five kids might start to look real different. Getting to pee by yourself starts to look mighty fine. Sneaking a cup of coffee while a baby sleeps on you and your toddler watches some dancing rat might qualify as free time.

Somewhere there needs to be a transition. Like when I realized you can do all sorts of stuff while you nurse a baby. But, then I had my fourth child who I had resigned myself to never having. I realized the best thing you can do while nursing is to stare in those little eyes. Talk to them and kiss them. Tell that sweet child little stories. Count those few fleeting moments like little bridges to heaven. That is free time.

Free time needn't be shopping or coffee breaks at the MegaMermaid. It can be time to refill our love tanks with someone special and the absence of consumerism and screens. Have some free time with a picnic, in a garden, or
on the beach.

Arrival of Ocean

Our newest little addition arrived at what we thought was 39 weeks.  My water broke at home at 5:30 am which put me on edge right away.  I have always had my children with in 15 or 20 minutes of my water breaking.  I didn't think I would make it to the birthing center.  So, I called my midwife and laid down on the bed while my husband let my parents know we were leaving.  

The little one arrived just after 2:00 pm.  He wasn't breathing well and was covered in vernix.  

He has struggled with nursing from the start.  Which is all new territory to me.  He lost enough weight and could not keep up his temp that we ended up in the hospital within his first week.  It was a bit traumatizing.  But, the hospital we were at was amazing.  Everyone was so wonderful to us.  We were treated amazingly.  I have a previous experience with a Children's Hospital that was downright horrible.  But, any concerns were elevated immediately.  They made sure to not only care for my boy, but they made sure I had plenty to eat and plenty of water.  They brought me sterilized bottles and nipples since I have had to pump. It help so much because I have never had to pump before.  I have never had to see my baby not eat.  I have never had to deal with all these emotions that I am dealing with.

I have moments where I feel like we are bonding enough.  I feel so sad that this pregnancy cut my nursing relationship short with my only girl.  I was hoping with this new arrival that I would be tandem nursing to ease any engorgement.  I pictured us all snuggled in bed together.  Instead, I am still working to keep up my supply.  Ocean is still struggling to gain weight.  

But, I am trying to shake those moments off.  I am striving to enjoy the few moments here and there, when he actually latches on...even if it's only with a nipple shield.  I am enjoying just having my little girl snuggled up next to us on the couch.  You know the couch that has turned into my bed.  Because I have to get up so often at night to feed him and rinse out the pumping stuff and grab a new bottle....and do all these things I didn't before.  I am trying to look forward to when we will just get to lay down in bed and snuggle.  Where night time is when I tuck my arm around my baby and let him nurse when he wants.  I know it will happen.  I just know it will happen.  

Pumping...

I haven't found the time to share our journey so far with our newest addition. But, I wanted to share something funny before I forget. Our little girl was walking around with a bottle and she held it up to her little breast and made pumping sounds. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I would like for her to be imitating nursing her baby. But, I chose to laugh. Because she was imitating. Our new little baby is getting breastmilk and I believe he will transition to the breast once he catches up to his due date.